Patience Rewarded
by CelticCross83
Summary: The cheerful, humorous alternative to HBP. First chapter has been edited, and more editing to come. Definitely and defiantly AU. SSHP fluff.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

A/N: This is moderately OOC fluff. I know it's out of character, so you don't need to rant and rave about it in your reviews. Anyway, it's fundamentally OOC for Snape to be in a romantic relationship with anyone, so far as canon goes. If you want a sequel, leave a review. This was intended to be a one-shot, but enough reviews persuaded me to continue the story. May I recommend that you read and review 'Praised', 'Afterwards' and 'Little Things'? They're angsty character study drabbles of Percy Weasley, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew. I want to know what people think of them.

A/N2: This has been slightly rewritten to change two things I really didn't like. Item One was "...drew him closer, enjoying the closeness." Not only is that not what I've got in the rough draft, it sounds like shit. Item Two was the fact that one of Snape's lines was so incredibly sappy it was disgusting. That has been altered. Even an OOC Snape would never use the word 'boyfriend'. Also, the year Harry was in has been changed.

Severus Snape was a patient man. He'd been watching Harry Potter since his first year, but only at the beginning of his fifth year did he realize how beautiful the boy had become. And he was beautiful, not handsome, not sexy, but beautiful in a fragile, nearly effeminate way. Then was not the right time, however. Neither was during his occlumency lessons, no matter how erotic the sight of Harry biting his lip in concentration was. So Severus waited. Now it was a month into sixth year, and the time was finally right. Harry had begun looking at him furtively at meals and in class, and stuttered when Severus spoke to him directly, confirming Severus' hope that Harry might be amenable. So Severus upped the ante. He began brushing against Harry in class, and leaning down to murmur his comments directly in the boy's ear. Harry turned scarlet and stammered and ran out of class the moment it ended almost every day now. But he never made a move. Severus waited; three weeks went by; Halloween was approaching. Severus Snape was a patient man, but his patience had nearly reached its limits.

He began to grade Harry's work harshly, so harshly that his average in potions fell to a 74 percent. He let Harry fret over it for a few days, then asked him to stay after class.

"Mr. Potter, your slipping grades have begun to worry me. One or two poor essays might be excused by worry or romantic problems, but five barely passing essays are cause for real concern." He paused to relish the blush that the mention of romantic problems had caused then continued, "Because your average has been surprisingly good so far this year, I will give you the opportunity to repair your grade with a bit of extra credit." Harry looked at him suspiciously, and with cause; Severus never offered extra credit. "I have some potions I need to make for Madam Pomfrey, and an extra pair of hands would be useful. I will also allow you to redo the Honesty Elixir you failed."

"When should I be here, Professor?" Harry tried and mostly succeeded in sounding calm.

"Tonight at eight. Bring the things you need for the Honesty Elixir. Any other questions?" Harry shook his head and left hastily.

Severus spent the rest of the afternoon getting ready. He washed his hair and put on a pair of Muggle blue jeans, which Xiomara Hooch had given him for his birthday a few years past; she claimed that they his arse look sinful. As he dressed, he thought of his luck that the potion Harry had failed was the Honesty Elixir. Once Harry took a swallow to test it, his inhibitions would be lowered and he would say whatever was on his mind. It could be fought, but he wouldn't want to fight it; it would seem natural to do as he pleased. All he had to do was make sure that HE was the foremost subject in Harry's mind. It would be perfect. He'd have Harry agreeing to a date within the hour.

He went to his office and waited; there was a knock on the door at eight o'clock precisely. He let Harry in and set him to work. As Harry made the potion, Severus hovered over him, leaning on his shoulder and correcting his technique. At one point he even took Harry's hands in his own and helped him shred the heart's ease properly. Harry was a blushing, stammering wreck by the time the potion was finished. Severus handed him a spoon and informed him that the necessary dose for testing would last two minutes. Harry swallowed, grimacing at the taste, and almost immediately a dreamy look passed over his face.

"Professor, you look _so_ sexy in those jeans... I wonder how much better you'd look without them... I watch you in class, you know, and think about you... Do you think about me?" Harry was nearly purring, and giving him a predatory look.

Severus nodded, rather surprised at the exact nature of Harry's thoughts. He'd somehow expected him to be more innocent and less seductive. He sat down and waited for Harry's next words.

"I suppose that if you think of me, then you won't mind if I do... this." He draped himself across Severus' lap and flung his arms around his neck.

Severus adjusted Harry on his lap and said, "No, I don't mind." He wrapped an arm around Harry' waist and drew him closer, enjoying the contact.

Harry grinned. "Then you probably won't mind if I do _this_, either." He gave Severus a long, lingering kiss, and then stiffened and pulled away.

Severus looked at him closely. The dreamy, relaxed expression was gone, replaced with one of fear and humiliation. Severus pretended not to notice, and moaned, "Oh, _Harry..._" He pulled Harry close to him again and kissed him again. Harry, realizing that no rejection was imminent, relaxed again and began to kiss back.

When at last Harry pulled away for breath, Severus smiled at him, a genuine, open smile. It was the first time Harry had seen Severus look truly contented, and he gave an answering smile.

"I've wanted you for over a year, Harry, and I want more than this." Severus took a deep breath. "Harry, would you be my lover?"

Harry hugged him so hard he thought his ribs would crack. "You're not worried about dating a student? A much younger student?"

"Of course not. You've been of age for over three months. It's all perfectly legal. It's not all that much of an age gap. Albus has seventy years on Minerva and they're perfectly happy."

Harry twitched. "They're together? _That way?_"

"Didn't you know? I thought everyone did. Never mind, it doesn't matter. What _does _matter is whether your answer is yes or no."

"It's yes, of course." Harry leaned against him and smiled up at him. "Now kiss me again."

Severus gladly complied, but stopped after a few minutes. "It's getting late, Harry. You should get back to the dorms."

Harry pouted. "When will I _see _you again? I mean, like this?"

Severus considered. "Tomorrow's a Hogmeade day. Can you pry yourself away from your friends long enough to have lunch with me at the Three Broomsticks?"

"Just pick a time. And wear these blue jeans again. I want everybody to realize how handsome you are and be absolutely sick with envy." Harry gave him an impish grin.

"One o'clock? Is that good?"

"Certainly."

"Good. Now go before Minerva realizes you're missing. I'll see you tomorrow." Severus gave him a last embrace and reluctantly evicted Harry from his lap.

Harry went, and Severus was left alone. He had to plan for the next day, but the mere idea of a date made him grin madly. His patience was finally rewarded. _Oh, this was going to be wonderful... _


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: The disclaimer in the first chapter applies to this and all chapters.

A/N: I'm sorry for the delay, but there were exigent circumstances. Also, some of this chapter might be changed or edited after I read HP and the Halfblood Prince.

A/N2: Before I post the next (smut containing) chapter, I want 3 reviews for this story and at least one new review each for my stories "There Are Times", "A Revealed Secret" and "A Moment of Time".

Severus was unbearably nervous. He had a date, his first date in years, and he needed to look good for it. He had on blue jeans, and now he needed to find a shirt that wasn't black, or, at least, not completely black. He found one, at last, in the very back of the wardrobe. It was a t-shirt he'd bought on a whim years ago, at a concert he'd snuck off to see. It still fit him, even if it was tighter than it should have been. He pulled his hair back, and took a scrutinizing look at himself in the mirror. Yes, he was passable. Just one last thing; he smeared a concealing potion on the Dark Mark and applied a glamourie over that. There, perfect.

As he walked out of the castle, vaguely worried about what was to come, he noticed several people looking at him oddly. The Granger girl stared at him, Parkinson did something odd with her eyebrows, and even Minerva blushed and wouldn't meet his eyes. He shrugged. If they wanted to act like fools, it was none of his business.

However, when the usually unflappable Rosmerta began stuttering when he asked for a table near the back, he began to seriously worry that something was wrong. He just didn't know what. He waited nervously for Harry to arrive, and tell him just what was making everyone so twitchy. Unfortunately, when Harry arrived, he did the same thing.

Harry's eyes bugged out. He knew that Snape had, well, not really agreed, but had left open the possibility that he would wear the blue jeans again, but this was something else! Not only was he wearing the jeans, he was wearing a tight t-shirt that left nothing to the imagination. Harry revised his opinion of Snape then and there. He wasn't just handsome, he was a sex god. _Harry_'s sex god, to boot.

He slid onto the bench next to Severus and grinned at him. "You look good enough to eat. How many people fainted when they saw you?"

Severus was bewildered. "No one fainted. Why would they?"

"Well, for one thing, the fact that you like Muggle music is probably a complete shock." He waved vaguely at Severus' t-shirt. "Then you have to consider how tight that t-shirt is. I nearly had a heart attack just looking at you. You look so sexy I'm scared that someone will try to steal you from me."

Severus bristled. "They wouldn't dare, and they'd better not try to steal you from _me_, either. You're mine!"

Harry sobered immediately. "Severus, there's one thing we need to clear up first."

"What's that?" Severus really hoped he wasn't about to bring up that incident last year.

"Did you ever really resent me, or was an all an act, Severus?"

"I resented you right up until you came back carrying Cedric Diggory. How could I not resent someone who could do at the age of eleven what I couldn't do at the age of 31? I was the one in charge of protecting that damn stone. And then there was your third year. You do know that they'd been offering an Order of Merlin for Black's capture? I nearly had two things I'd desperately wanted for ages, revenge and recognition, and you destroyed my chance at them. I suppose your second year wasn't much fun for me as well. You humiliated my prize student at that bloody dueling club, and through him, me. To top it all of, people thought you were the heir of Slytherin! Wouldn't one of my Slytherins have been good enough to be the Heir?"

"Didn't you ever find it strange that a Parselmouth would be in Gryffindor?" Harry looked at him sidelong, wondering if Severus had the faintest inkling what he was getting at.

Severus gave a one-shouldered shrug. "I suppose I tried not to think about it. Beyond being outraged that a boy with my house's traditional gift was in Gryffindor, it worried me that James Potter's son had such an ability. Of course, we know why now, but we didn't then."

"I was rather _foolish _as an eleven year old, you know." Severus turned and stared at Harry, not understanding the apparent non sequitur. "The first wizard my own age that I met was Draco Malfoy, and nearly the first thing out of his mouth was that Muggleborns should be banned from Hogwarts." Severus ' eyes widened; he had a horrible idea where this was going. "I'd been raised by Muggles, believing I was one, and what Malfoy said put me on the defensive from the start. When Ron Weasley was nice to me on the train, he was my first friend. _Ever_. You know what Ron is like about Slytherins, and I'd have done anything for him. And then, after I'd had my head filled with nonsense about the evils of Slytherin, Draco Malfoy, who gave me the creeps, was put in Slytherin. It was nearly a forgone conclusion after that." Severus winced. "All I had to do was repeat what I wanted in my head loud enough to drown out everything else." He stared moodily down at his butterbeer, completely missing the look of awe and irritation that Severus shot at him.

"Harry, that should be impossible." Severus' voice was hushed, as if in the presence of something miraculous.

Harry made a face. "The same way it should be impossible for me to survive six encounters with the snake faced bastard? The same way it should be impossible for a twelve year old to kill a basilisk? _That kind of impossible_?"

Severus was shocked. "What in Merlin's name do you mean, a basilisk!"

Harry stared at him incredulously. "Didn't Dumbledore _tell_ anyone? That's what was in the Chamber of Secrets! Hell, it's probably still down there."

Severus had a fanatical gleam in his eye. "Do you mean to tell me that's there's an untouched basilisk corpse in there?" At Harry's tentative nod, he went on, "How big a basilisk? Male or female?"

"Umm, maybe thirty feet? I don't know if it was male or female."

Severus nearly went insane. "A thirty foot basilisk! Thirty feet! Do you have any idea, any idea at all, how much it must be worth? The last basilisk killed was ten feet and the man who killed it has been living off the profit for fifteen years!"

Harry blinked in confusion. "What, exactly, would someone use a dead basilisk for?"

Severus looked at him like he was a moron. "Potions!"

"Wouldn't it have decomposed by now?" Harry pointed out.

"Not at all! They're so saturated with venom that bacteria can't survive. How soon can you take me to it?"

"Now, if you want. We'll need to bring brooms to get out of the Chamber, though."

Severus cursed. "Damn, I'll need to borrow one."

"Not necessarily. My Firebolt is powerful enough to hold both of us if we squash together." Harry offered.

"Wonderful."


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and I don't particularly want to any more.

A/N: In a defiant 'fuck you' to canon, this fic will continue as planned. Some bits of info might creep in from HBP, but I'll try to make sure that they're not plot related.

A/N2: I hate Hermione, and this chapter makes it blatantly obvious. If you object to Hermione being written as a nagging harridan, so what? There are other fics available.

As they walked back to Hogwarts, neither spoke. Harry was consumed with a faint dread of what might still be lurking in the Chamber of Secrets, and Severus was already thinking of what potions he would make with the basilisk blood, fangs and scales he would shortly acquire. When they entered the Great Hall, Severus turned to Harry.

"Where, exactly, is the entrance to the Chamber?"

"Well, it's..." Harry looked embarrassed for a moment. "It's in the girl's lav, unfortunately. The one on the second floor, you know, the haunted one."

Severus raised an eyebrow at him. "And what's so bad about it being there?"

"Moaning Myrtle has a crush on me." Harry said disgustedly.

Both eyebrows went up. "I'd try to say something, but there's really nothing that can be said, is there?"

"Hmmph."

As it happened, Myrtle wasn't in her bathroom, which made it infinitely easier to descend to the Chamber. Admittedly, Severus balked when asked to do something so undignified as slide down a tunnel, but otherwise it went well. A few well placed blasting hexes cleared the stones from the cave in, and then they were in the Chamber itself.

The room was dominated by the corpse of Salazar Slytherin's late and unlamented basilisk. It was lying in a pool of blood far smaller than Harry would have expected, and it was rather larger than he remembered. Now that Harry was able to take a decent look at his surroundings, he realized it was not the moldering crypt he had perceived. Rather, it was a study, although it was indeed moldering.

There were bookshelves lining the walls, draped in heavy veils of cobwebs, and tables coated in the dust of centuries. The far corner seemed marginally cleaner, and Harry wandered over to inspect it as Severus went into raptures over the basilisk.

Whatever Harry had been expecting, it was not a stack of dog-eared Agatha Christie books, some fossilized candy and a dartboard with pictures of a much younger Dumbledore tacked to it. This, he realized, must have been from when Voldemort had used the Chamber. He really had not thought of what a dark lord might read, but the Miss Marple novels would have been near the bottom of the list.

He looked up at Severus, who was industriously pulling basilisk scales with a mammoth pair of pliers. He obviously needed no help, so Harry cleared the dust off of one of the chairs and sat down. He grabbed a book at random, which turned out to be "The Tuesday Club Murders", and settled down for a bit of a wait.

Three hours and five murders later, Severus was finally finished. He had shrunk his ingredients carefully, obsessively even, then looked at Harry's broom like it would bolt if he looked at it wrong. Harry put down his book and came over, brushing dust off of himself.

"Honestly, Severus, brooms don't bite."

Severus glared at him. "I was merely wondering how you go about getting two people on the broom at once. Do they both straddle the broom at once, or does one help the other on after he gets on first?"

"We both straddle it. Also, you're going to need to hold onto me fairly tightly." He picked up the broom and they both managed to get astride without falling off or hindering each other, a fairly impressive accomplishment.

They ascended the tunnel with very little trouble and soon stood in Myrtle's bathroom. Unfortunately, Myrtle had returned.  
"Oooh, the two of you are filthy! Even the merpeople are less slimy than you!"

"If you like the merpeople so much, go and stay with them. It's not like there's any use for you here." snapped Severus. Myrtle burst into tears and fled down the U-bend. Severus looked at Harry. "She's right. We are filthy. Come back to my rooms so that you can shower before going back to Gryffindor tower."

Without waiting for Harry's answer, he strode off, leaving Harry trying to catch up.

When Severus emerged from the bathroom, he was not expecting Harry to still be in his rooms. However, not only was Harry still there, he was stretched out on Severus' bed, nude. It took every jot of Severus' willpower not to leap on him.

Harry smiled at him. "Well, aren't you going to come here and make love to me? It's all I could think about, looking at you in that t-shirt."

Severus gave him a predatory grin, and-

smut scene cut

When Harry staggered into the Gryffindor common room an hour after curfew, with a demented grin on his face and a love bite prominently displayed on his neck, Ron and Hermione were livid. Well, Hermione was livid. Ron was just curious.

"Where have you been! No note, no nothing, you could have been dead in a ditch! Voldemort could have gotten you, for all you told me, but it's obvious that you've been off with some girl! Harry James Potter, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF!" Hermione shrieked.

"Jeez, Harry, couldn't you have your best friend that you've finally gotten a girl? Would it kill you to keep me in the loop? So, what's she like?" Ron made an extremely descriptive hand gesture. "Curvy?"

Hermione took a swipe at him, which he dodged adroitly, then turned back to Harry. "I am _waiting._"

"Um, well, I kind of lost track of time?" Harry said uncertainly, causing Hermione to flounce over to sofa and pointedly ignore him.

"Yeah, whatever, but what about the girl?"

"Ron, I hate to break it to you, but it's not a girl."

"Nonsense. It's perfectly obvious that you've just gotten shagged." Ron could be very dense sometimes, reflected Harry ruefully.

"I have just gotten shagged. It just wasn't a girl, Ron." Harry said patiently.

"Oho, an older woman! Who was it? Hooch?"

"Ron, don't be thick. It was a bloke. Have you ever seen me date any female other than Cho Chang?"

"Didn't you see Susan Bones for a while?" Ron tuned out the bit about the bloke.

"Ron, we were working together on a Charms project. Susan in seeing what's-his-name, that Hufflepuff. Smith, I think his name is. Please get it into your head that I'm gay, Ron."

Ron gave him a startled look. "I never saw that coming! So, who was it? Percy's had a crush on you even worse than Ginny's ever was. He'll be crushed to hear that you're seeing someone. Crushed, get it?" Ron snickered.

Harry gave Ron a nervous look. "If I tell you who it was and you don't like him , will you promise not to react badly?"

"Just so long as it's not Malfoy. Draco Malfoy." qualified Ron.

"Oh no, it's certainly not Malfoy. It's Snape, actually."

"WHAT? HARRY JAMES POTTER, HOW DARE YOU SLEEP WITH A TEACHER! THAT MUST VIOLATE FIFTY SCHOOL RULES! YOU COULD BE EXPELLED! HE COULD BE FIRED!"

"Wouldn't be much of a loss if he were." muttered Ron.

"RONALD BILIUS WEASLEY! HOW DARE YOU SPEAK ILL OF A TEACHER! I SHOU-"

Ron hit Hermione with a Silencing Spell, then turned to Harry. "Harry, you're like a brother to me. I can't say much for your taste in men, but if he ever hurts you, he'll have the whole Weasley family after him. As it is, he's going to receive a little visit from me, Fred and George soon enough. Now for Gods' sakes leave before Hermione bursts the spell. It could get nasty."

Harry looked at Ron in awe. "You took that a lot better than I expected you to."

Ron gave him a vaguely threatening look. "Just so long as you keep your hands off MY Draco, we'll be just fine."

Harry stared at him. "I didn't know you were seeing Malfoy."

"I'm not, but he just needs a little.. persuading."

Shaking his head in wonderment at his friends, Harry walked unsteadily up to the dormitory, musing on the oddness of life.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and I don't particularly want to anymore.

Note Concerning AU status: The release of HBP has rendered this AU. For the purpose of this story, none of the romantic relationships mentioned in HBP happened, a certain person was not revealed as evil and is not evil, a certain person did not take the previously mentioned person's position, a certain student refused to take the Dark Mark, and a certain person did not die. Also, just so long as this is an AU, I'm saying that Sirius fell to one side of the Veil. Every else is as per canon.

A/N: I'm sorry about having left out the smut last chapter, but I read it over and realized it was rated NC-17 at least. I'll post it at or somewhere. I'm making up for it by posting this the moment it's finshed.

A/N2: What did you think of my versions of Ron and Hermione? They're deliberately out of character; Ron is meant to be an affable twit and Hermione is a miniature and considerably less pleasant Mrs. Weasley.

A/N3: What do you think of the Ron/Draco subplot? I'm thinking of making it unrequited, just for the sheer amusement of watching Ron make an ass of himself over Draco. Vote for whether or not you want the two to actually get together. The vote ends when I post Chapter 5.

And now for something completely different...A REVIEW RESPONSE!

lady sakura cosmos: Thank you so much for reviewing all three chapters. They will go back to the Chamber, I'm just not sure when.

The next morning, Hermione was in no mood to wait for Harry, not after he'd done. Ron tried to get Harry to come down, but there was no response and Hermione, who had run out of her miniscule supply of patience, dragged him to breakfast by his tie.

He went quietly, knowing that resisting was the surest path to doom. He sat passively as she gave a bowl of muesli with chopped bananas, despite her knowing he hated both muesli and bananas. He didn't even object when she stopped him putting sugar on his god awful muesli. He was too busy staring at the object of his heart's (or at least, a related organ's) deepest desire.

Draco nudged Crabbe with a pointy elbow. "Vince, is someone staring at me?"

Crabbe took a quick look around. "Draco, Weasley is giving you a very odd look, but no one is actually staring."

"What _kind_ of funny look?" asked Draco suspiciously. "An 'I'm going to hex you look', a 'I've poisoned your coffee look' or a 'What the hell is he wearing look'?"

"Ummm, it's more like an 'I'm going to try to snog you as soon as we're alone look'." Crabbe said uneasily.

"This is an outrage! He's meant to fear me, not lust after me! We must do something horrible to him before lunch. I must make him cower in fear at the sight of me."

Goyle, who had until then been focusing exclusively on coating his bagel with as much cream cheese as humanly possible, spoke. "And how do you propose we do that? He's not even scared of your Aunt Bella anymore, not after last year. Even you're terrified of her, so what can you do to make him fear you?"

"We must put an acromantula in his sock drawer!" declared Draco.

"Where the hell would we get an acromantula? The Magical Menagerie?" inquired Crabbe sarcastically.

"I don't see you coming up with any suggestions." said Draco sulkily.

"We'll talk about it at lunch." soothed Goyle. "I'm sure you can think of far better methods when you're more awake."

"Are you pandering to me?" asked Draco, looking blearily at him. "If you are, I will be very annoyed."

"No, no, we're not pandering at _all_."

Draco squinted at him, trying to determine if he was trying to be sarcastic, then gave up. "Let's go, breakfast is nearly over anyway."

He stood and sauntered over to the door, not realizing that not only were Crabbe and Goyle following him, so was Ron. Of course, Hermione followed Ron, and the first years, not knowing any better followed Hermione. The mass exodus of the first years convinced the rest of the Gryffindors that breakfast was over, so they went as well. The Hufflepuffs, not wanting to left out, went along with the crowd.

Unfortunately, the first thing every one saw when they got past the doors of the Great Hall was the feared Potions master, bane of the Gryffindors, in a passionate embrace with the Boy-Who-Lived. Draco stopped dead and stared. Crabbe and Goyle gaped. Hermione clapped her hands over the eyes of the nearest first year. Only Ron retained his equanimity.

"Um, Harry, could you please get a room? I don't mind so much myself, but I think the 'Puffs are going into shock."

The amorous pair broke apart abruptly and stared at their unexpected audience. Harry went pale. Snape buried his head in his hands. "My reputation is ruined, isn't it?" came the muffled moan.

"Well, it depends on what reputation. I have to agree that your reputation as someone who's never gotten laid is sunk." Ron gave him an evil grin. "On the other hand, your reputation as an exhibitionist just went up a hundredfold."

"Twenty points from Gryffindor, Weasley." Snape said tiredly; it was clear his heart wasn't in it. Then stared in horror at the entrance. "Black, Lupin! What are you doing back so early?" He gave then a terrified grin.

"Snivellus, why is there a crowd gathered around you and Harry?" asked Sirius threateningly.

"I would like to know as well, Severus." Lupin said quietly.

"Well, it's a bit of a funny story, that." Severus stalled.

A voice in the back of the crowd called out, "What's so funny about snogging in public?"

Severus blushed and cringed as Sirius choked and turned brick red. Lupin just gave him an extremely disappointed look.

"YOU TOUCHED HARRY? HOW DARE YOU! YOU FOUL PERVERT!" Sirius roared. Lupin quietly walked up behind him and quickly stupefied him.

"We will discuss this, Severus." said Remus threateningly, then left, levitating Sirius behind him. As he left, he called over his shoulder, "Meeting in Dumbledore's office in half an hour. Harry needs to be there as well."

Severus nodded his understanding, then fled.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and I don't particularly want to anymore.

Note Concerning AU status: The release of HBP has rendered this even more AU than before. For the purpose of this story, none of the romantic relationships mentioned in HBP happened, a certain person was not revealed as evil and is not evil, a certain person did not take the previously mentioned person's position, a certain student refused to take the Dark Mark, and a certain person did not die. Also, just so long as this is an AU, I'm saying that Sirius fell to one side of the Veil. Every else is as per canon.

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READ THE DAMN AUTHOR'S NOTES!

A/N: Despite a grand total of eleven reviews, there were only three votes on the Ron/Draco issue. 2 votes for required and 1 vote for unrequited. Requited it is, then. Also, so far no one has given me an opinion on my characterization of Ron and Hermione. I really would like some input.

A/N2: I'm thinking of bumping this fic up to R or M or whater you want to call it. If I do that, I can post a modified version of the chapter 2 smut scene. I also might put this fic on hiatus for a week or so while I edit the first four chapters. Chapter One seems especially in need of editing, due to the fact it was not originally meant to be continued. If you have any suggestions at all as to how to improve some part of the fic, please please please put it in a review; you may catch things that I miss.

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And now, the review responses!

Smorefan: Hermione is uncomfortable with it because she thinks that authority figures are something like demigods and it upsets her to learn that they're human.

Brianna Fitzwalter: Sorry, but you were outvoted. Would you like Crabbe to have a thing for Ron anyway?

me: I don't think that having Ron chase Draco is in the cards, but there may be something similarly embarrassing for Draco.

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Severus and Harry arrived at the meeting at the same time as Cho Chang, who was dressed in a truly awful black leather mini-dress and knee high boots. Harry eyed her nervously, remembering the incident at Madam Puddifoot's and devoutly hoping that she didn't. She gave no sign of it, merely giving him a come-hither smile and arching a brow. Severus wrapped an arm around Harry's waist possessively, and she flounced in with a pout.

The two entered behind her, and immediately claimed the loveseat facing the door. Harry leaned against Severus affectionately, and Severus put an arm over Harry's shoulders. When Sirius came through the door and saw them, he nearly had a heart attack, then turned to Dumbledore and made an appeal.

"Albus, you can't really condone this, can you? He's Harry's teacher!" he begged.

Dumbledore gave him an amused smile. "It would be deeply hypocritical of me to forbid student-teacher relationships. My dear Minerva was a sixth year when we became involved."

Sirius stared for a moment, then slumped into an overstuffed easy chair. "Has the world always been this way, and I've just been too wrapped up in myself to notice?" he asked despairingly.

"Well, you've always been self absorbed, but I really can't understand what you mean by 'this way'." retorted Severus.

Sirius bristled. "By this way, Snape, I mean is the world out to get me?"

"Well, what do you think? Azkaban, being a fugitive, nearly being killed in the Department of Mysteries. Yes, you have bad luck." Remus said crisply, having just emerged from a door in the back with a packet of jaffa cakes.

Dumbledore intervened, preventing a nasty argument. "Now that we're all here, Remus, Sirius and Ms. Chang can make their reports. Remus, how was the Black Forest?"

"The werewolves have agreed, so long as we provide subsidized Wolfsbane. They can afford to pay 60 percent of the cost, and they need it for a total of 42 werewolves. Severus, do you know people who can help you make it in quantity?" Remus looked at him appealingly. "I have a few favors I could call in if necessary."

"That won't be necessary. I have six students who are good enough to make it, and I've just gotten enough of a windfall to finance the silver cauldrons I'll need." Severus shot a brief smile at Harry.

"Oh? Severus, where did you get that much money?" Dumbledore asked. "I'm sure that no matter what, you'd never be able to stretch the budget I gave you that far." he gave Severus a searching look.

"Harry was kind enough to open the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets for me. The basilisk remains provided potions ingredients worth nearly 2 million galleons on the international market." Severus could not suppress a manic grin. He already had brochures for various vacation resorts piled three deep on his room.

Dumbledore looked astonished. "That is good news. But who receives the money? The school or you? That money could pay to renovate all of the dormitories and the kitchens as well." he had developed an avaricious gleam in his eye.

Then Harry spoke up. "Actually, I killed the basilisk, and am thus entitled to all proceeds, or would have been." he smiled cheerfully. "However, Severus harvested the ingredients, and is thus entitled to a third." he gave Severus an infatuated smile and tried to move even closer to him.

Dumbledore could not quite conceal his disappointment. He'd hoped to use a bit of it for some more socks. Oh, well. "Ms. Chang, would you care to make your report?"

Cho stood up, and smoothed the front of her dress, giving Harry a smoldering look. "Since I first infiltrated the Death Eater organization three months ago, I have made excellent progress. I am not yet in the Inner Circle, but I am in a good position to hear useful information, as I am now the Dark Lord's personal secretary."

Severus broke in. "What do you mean? He's never had a secretary before."

Cho blushed a bit. "Secretary is more of a courtesy title than anything else. I'm really his pet dominatrix."

Remus spat out his tea. "What!"

"He likes being paddled. No, I don't know why, and no, I won't talk about it."

"So what you're saying," Sirius choked out between guffaws, "Is that Voldemort, scourge of wizarding Britain, likes to be spanked? That is the most bizarre thing I've ever heard."

Even Dumbledore was suppressing a grin. "Moving on, Ms. Chang. What information have you gathered?"

"He has recruited the hags, and the domovoi have joined without being asked. He also has a small group of harpies, and is trying to persuade the medusas to join him."

"Umm, what are domovoi?" asked Harry.

"They're related to house elves, but are rather smaller. I can see no reason for them to join him, but domovoi have never been known as intellectuals." Severus told him.

"Ahem." Cho glared at Severus. "As I was about to say, his operations in Greece and Eastern Europe are going well, and the Albanian government is close to declaring its' public support."

Sirius, who been idly crumbling a biscuit, looked up. "Where the hell is Albania?"

"I haven't the faintest idea." admitted Cho. "I don't think it's very important. Anyway, that's my report."

Dumbledore turned to Sirius. "How was Aachen, Sirius? Did your negotiations with the German ministry go well?"

"They didn't go at all. They wouldn't meet me, because I have no government credentials. So, instead, I got drunk. Oktoberfest is fun. Send me to Amsterdam next, will you?"

Dumbledore sighed. "Your entertainment is not the point of these expeditions, Sirius. Now, does anyone have any ideas or proposals?"

"I think that the sooner I get the silver cauldrons the better. I also want to take Harry with me so that he can check on a shop he's invested in." Severus said.

"All right, but do you think you could take Mr. Longbottom with you? He has expressed a desire to see his parents."

Severus scowled, and Harry elbowed him sharply. "Ouch! Dammit Harry! Yes Albus, I'll take Longbottom with me. There, Harry, are you happy?"

Harry gave him an angelic smile. "Yes, darling." Harry's voice was purest saccharine.

Severus scowled at him, and shook his head. Harry was absolutely incorrigible!


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and I don't particularly want to anymore.

Note Concerning AU status: The release of HBP has rendered this even more AU than before. For the purpose of this story, none of the romantic relationships mentioned in HBP happened, a certain person was not revealed as evil and is not evil, a certain person did not take the previously mentioned person's position, a certain student refused to take the Dark Mark, and a certain person did not die. Also, just so long as this is an AU, I'm saying that Sirius fell to one side of the Veil. Every else is as per canon.

READ THE DAMN AUTHOR'S NOTES!

A/N: I was rather disappointed by the low number of reviews I received, especially compared to Chapter 4. What did I do that was so popular in that chapter? Was it Malfoy? Was it the goons? Was it Black and Lupin? Would someone please tell me so that I can do it again?

A/N2: What should I do concerning the Voldemort problem? Should I treat it seriously, or should I make a total joke out of it? Also, what should I do with Sirius Black? Should he stay at Hogwarts or leave or what?

A/N3: The 'Death by Chocolate' sundae mentioned near the end of the chapter is my own creation. If you want the recipe, leave a review.

Severus was just checking that he had enough ready cash to purchase the cauldrons when a hand landed heavily on his shoulder. He whirled, and saw the Weasley twins, who were lacking their customary half-mad grins.

"We thought-" said one twin.

"That we'd have-" interrupted the other.

"A little chat." continued the first, whom he was now fairly certain was Fred.

"The general substance of it is-"

"If you ever hurt Harry-"

"You will suffer." said George, brandishing a wand theatrically.

"He's an honorary Weasley-"

"And we don't take insults to the family lightly."

Severus tried to protest but was abruptly cut off.

"So here's a little taste-"

"Of what we'd do to you-"

"If you ever upset him."

They were gone thirty seconds later, leaving Severus covered in multicolored spots, with green steam coming out of his ears and with his nose transfigured into the front half of a dead haddock, which he was very grateful that he couldn't smell.

Ten minutes later, after some rather tricky unhexing work, Severus finally entered The Three Broomsticks, idly rubbing at a remaining, turqoise spot on his wrist. Harry and Neville were already waiting by the outbound fireplace, and he joined them quickly, apologizing tersely for his tardiness.

"Sorry. I was ambushed by the Weasley twins."

Harry gave him a look of dawning comprehension, then nodded. "I'll have a word with them for you."

"Thanks." Severus grabbed the Floo powder. "Shall we go? Our time is limited."

They departed, and after exiting the Leaky Cauldron, they conferred briefly.

"Harry, I'll meet you and Longbottom in two hours at Fortescue's. Don't be late." Severus glanced around furtively, then gave Harry a quick peck. Harry nodded, ignoring Neville's blush, and Severus strode off. Harry hailed the Knight Bus, and they headed for St, Mungo's.

While Neville visited his parents on the fifth floor, Harry wandered, looking at the intriguing varieties of patients, including a man who'd tranfigured his feet into shoelaces and a man who had a biting teacup attached to his nose. Eventually he got bored, and went to the waiting room of the Curse Damage Ward to wait for Neville.

Theirty seconds later, the door of the broomcloset fell open, spilling a couple in a passionate embrace onto the floor. One of them, a man in healer's robes, stood and helped the other up. Harry recognized them as Augustus Pye, the mediwizard who'd treated Mr. Weasley for snakebite, and, surprisingly, known ladies' man Gilderoy Lockhart. As they seemed on the point of resuming their activities, Harry loudly cleared his throat.

Pye spun round and turned an unflattering crimson. "Oh, umm, Mr. Potter, I didn't see you there."

"That much," remarked Harry, "is obvious."

"Hello, do I know you from somewhere?" chirped Gilderoy.

"You taught him for a year, Gil, remember?" Pye said patiently.

Harry arched an eyebrow, deliberately imitating Severus. "Is it really ethical to be involved with a patient? Especially one as out of it as him?"

"Um, well, you see... Hold on, I've got to take Gil back to his room." Pye turned, still blushing, and collided with Neville, who was entering the waiting room.

"Oh, hello Professor Lockhart. How are you today?"

"Am I a professor? It doesn't sound very impressive." murmured Lockhart vaguely, as Pye pulled him away.

As the two departed, Neville turned to Harry. "Were those two shagging again? Every time I come here, they're at it again. I tell them, come out of that closet, we all know what you're doing anyway, but do they listen? Nooo."

Harry goggled at him; the concept of Neville and double entendres was mindblowing. Weakly, he said, "And you don't think that what they're doing is unethical?"

"If Healer Pye likes being tied up by a mental patient, then it's none of my business, unless they're doing it in my line of sight."

Harry shook his head. "Let's go, Neville. I need to have a talk with Fred and George."

They walked on in companionable, and in Harry's case, unnerved, silence.

Once they were at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, Neville drifted over to the trick candies, while Harry sought out the twins. The girl working behind the counter led him into the back room, where the two were bent over a cauldron.

"I am not pleased by what you did to Severus." Harry growled the moment the girl had left. "I am perfectly capable of protecting myself, and I greatly resent the implication that I you think I can't. Furthermore, I am upset that you think so badly of Severus. You two are maybe the only Gryffindors he ever thought worth teaching, and he actually likes you, surprisingly enough. So what the HELL did he ever do to earn your distrust?"

"He made a pass at our adopted little brother, that's what." declared Fred defensively.

"Wrong. I made the first move, you identical idiots."

They looked abashed, and began apologizing profusely.

"Never mind that. How are the third quarter earnings?" Harry's rage had dissipated rapidly, and they got down to business.

They arrived at Fortescue's at the appointed time. Severus was waiting at a table near the counter, a half-eaten dish of coffee ice cream before him. Harry grabbed the seat next to him and kissed him fleetingly. Neville, who was facing the counter, was the only one to see how the man behind the counter flinched when Harry kissed Severus. The redhead was familiar, somehow. Oh yes, it was Percy Weasley. Neville had heard how he'd been sacked by the minister. He eyed Percy appreciatively. The look of disappointment brought on by the realization that Harry was unavailable was serving only to enhance his appeal.

Harry noticed the direction of Neville's gaze, and casually walked up to the counter.

"Hi, Percy. I think I'd like..." he perused the menu. "two scoops of butterbeer swirl in a dish." Harry turned and looked at Neville. "Do you want anything, Neville?"

"Uh... I'll have a Death by Chocolate sundae."

As Percy turned around to get the ice cream and make Neville's sundae, Neville's eye never left his rear. When he bent over to actually scoop the ice cream, his eyes nearly popped out of his head. Harry snickered behind his hand. Oh yes, Neville had it bad for Percy.

As they ate their ice creams, Harry considered how to get the two together. He'd need an excuse to get Neville to London again, that was certain. Now how would he get Neville to actually make a move? His mind full of various schemes, Harry smiled happily and began to seriously plot.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and I don't particularly want to anymore.

Note Concerning AU status: The release of HBP has rendered this even more AU than before. For the purpose of this story, none of the romantic relationships mentioned in HBP happened, a certain person was not revealed as evil and is not evil, a certain person did not take the previously mentioned person's position, a certain student refused to take the Dark Mark, and a certain person did not die. Also, just so long as this is an AU, I'm saying that Sirius fell to one side of the Veil. Every else is as per canon.

READ THE DAMN AUTHOR'S NOTES!

A/N: The recipe for Death by Chocolate sundae is as follows:

Take one scoop of dark chocolate ice cream, one scoop of milk chocolate ice cream and one scoop of chocolate ice cream with chocolate hearts and arrange triangularly on a plate. Ladle hot fudge sauce over all three scoops. Spray whipped cream on each scoop individually. Sprinkle with chocolate shavings. Top with a chocolate covered cherry on each scoop. I recommend splitting this, as it's rather large. I use Godiva ice cream, but you can use what you want, if you can find another brand with both dark and milk chocolate ice creams.

A/N2: I was looking at my stats earlier today, and I noticed something that surprised me. I am apparently on 29 people's alert lists, so why aren't I getting 29 reviews per chapter? If you gave me sufficient reviews, I would probably update hourly. (hint hint)

A/N3: I am thinking of introducing yet another ship to this fic. How do people feel about Sirius being slashed with someone other than Remus? I already have plans for him, so he's straight out, so to speak. There are also a couple of femmeslash pairings I might look into.

A/N4: I'm going on vacation. I'll be back a week from Wednesday, and there will be no updates during that time. I will, however, be writing.

The moment they were safely in Severus' chambers, Harry turned to him and gave him a very evil grin, then threw himself at him. Severus, who was not expecting to be jumped, staggered, dropped the shopping and fell against the doorpost.

"Shit! Harry, could you give a man some warning?" he exclaimed, rubbing his back and collapsing on the sofa.

"Sorry, Sev. Want me to rub it better?" Harry grinned salaciously, curling up next to him.

"Harry, what have I told you about calling me 'Sev'?"

"Not to... Sev."

Severus moaned in a mixture of irritation and amusement. "Harry... please don't. That's what Lucius Malfoy used to call me to get my goat."

Harry snickered. "Speaking of Malfoys, what should we do about Draco?"

Severus gave him a clueless look. "Do we need to something about him? Is something wrong with him?"

"Well, he keeps turning down Ron, and Ron is getting very depressed about it. He's even lost interest in food. All he does during meals is stare at Malfoy. And Ron usually has thirds and two helpings of dessert, so that's really worrying me."

Severus stared at him. "Let me get this straight. You're worried, because your friend, an apparently notorious overeater, has gone off his food?" He imbued his question with sarcasm that not even Harry could miss.

"He's not actually an overeater. You see him every day. Does he look overweight to you? To me, at least, he looks thin as a rail."

"Hmm. But why should the fact that he's pining over Draco have anything to do with me?"

"You are going to help me get them together. That's what it has to do with you."

"And what incentive do I have for doing this?" Severus raised his eyebrows at him. "The warm and fuzzy feeling of doing a good deed? I hate to tell you, but Slytherins don't get that."

"No, Severus." Harry smirked at him. "Your incentive is that if you don't help me, you'll be sleeping alone for a month."

"You wouldn't last that long." Severus said, but he was obviously shaken.

"Want to bet? I could just walk right out that door..." Harry moved towards the door, but stopped when Severus spoke.

"I give in, you little extortionist, but don't think you won't pay for this." Severus sighed.

"Ooh, do I get a spanking?" Harry cooed.

"Don't talk about spankings, just don't. It's giving me bad mental images, principally concerning the Dark Lord and Ms. Chang." Severus shuddered.

"What, like 'You've been a naughty evil overlord, Tom. Bend over the bed so I can punish you', that kind of thing?" Harry smirked.

"Urgh. Don't make me think things like that. You may just have completely destroyed my libido."

"Oops." Harry grinned. "Now, to business. How do we get Ron and Draco together?"

"Well, for one thing, Weasley dresses appallingly. You do realize that Draco's main god is fashion, followed closely by hair care and coffee, right? My advice is dress Weasley in nicer clothing, give him a few pounds of good coffee in a gift box and shove him towards Draco. And for god's sake, tell him not to touch the hair. The last person to ruffle Draco's hair is still in St. Mungo's."

"Oh, really? Who was it?" asked Harry skeptically.

"Gilderoy Lockhart."

"But he's there for a backfired Obliviate!"

"I never said he there because of something Draco did." smirked Severus.

"You certainly implied it!" protested Harry. "You obnoxious bastard."

"But you love me anyway." Severus pulled Harry in for a kiss.

Harry wrapped his arms around Severus' neck, molding himself to his lover's body. With a bit of awkward maneuvering, he straddled Severus' lap. Severus slid a hand under his shirt, and gave his left nipple a tug. Harry moaned and arched his back, squirming in a way that made Severus moan as well. Severus began trailing little nipping kisses down the side of Harry's neck, giving the juncture of Harry's neck and shoulder a surprisingly hard bite. Harry whimpered, and began to fumble with Severus' belt buckle. Infuriatingly, before he could do anything, the bell rang, signaling the resumption of class.

When Professor Snape, he of the inadvertent exhibitionism, and his companion in said exploits stumbled into class ten minutes late, liberally speckled with hickeys and with shirttails flapping in the breeze, everybody knew what they'd been doing. Well, almost everybody. Hermione had developed a mental block, and Ron was busy staring at the object of his unrequited affections.

As Harry plopped himself down next to Ron, Hermione leaned forward and demanded querulously, "WHERE on EARTH have you BEEN? You've missed the first ten minutes! A lot of important things can be covered in ten minutes, Harry!"

"Not when the teacher's not here, 'Mione." Harry felt compelled to point out.

She ignored him. "You're lucky I was here to take your notes for you. By the way, I have your notes from Transfiguration and Charms here, Harry. I honestly don't know WHAT the teachers were THINKING, to let you and Neville skip class."

Harry tuned her out. "Ron." Ron kept gazing longingly at the Slytherin side of the classroom. Harry poked him. "RON!"

Ron looked at him in surprise. "Harry? When did you get here?"

Harry sighed. "Never mind that, Ron. I need to talk to you after class."

"But Draco's got Arithmancy next! I need to walk him there."

Harry stared. Stalking was a new and disturbing development. "Ron," he said patiently, "Hermione has Arithmancy. She can walk him there for you. But I need to talk to you. I have a plan to help you get the pointy-faced ferret of your dreams."

"Ooh. What is it?"

"I'll tell you after class."

"But I wanna know NOW!"

Harry gave Severus, who'd been watching in amusement, a helpless look.

Severus intervened. "Mr. Weasley, if you do not cease that horrific noise, I will be forced to put you under a Silencing Charm."

Ron flinched, but remained mercifully silent and whine-free. He did pout, though, and Snape only refrained from taking points because of the threatening look Harry was giving him. He stalked off to castigate Seamus Finnigan, who had been speculating on the professor's love life instead.

Harry smiled and leaned back. This was as normal as life got for him, and he was determined to enjoy it while it lasted.


End file.
